Haunted but undaunted, fading yet indefatigable: The Caretaker – Everywhere at the end of time – Stages 2 & 3

by 5:4

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5 comments

Chris L April 23, 2018 • 11:10 - 11:10

[Part 1 of a two-part comment; Part 2 can be found here]

Simon, this is a project that I really feel I should listen to as a means of developing greater empathy with my dad’s Alzheimer’s (treated as such – although, to date, still not officially diagnosed – from 2014 onwards, with a collective awareness (as opposed to mere suspicion) that something was seriously “up” having come around a year earlier). However, I made the mistake of putting Stage 1 on as background music while trying to work, and ended up having to switch it off around halfway through as the distress it was causing gradually began to render work nigh-on impossible. (Interestingly, I haven’t yet experienced the same reaction to Asher Tuil’s Miniatures, even though it may strike the casual listener as superficially similar, perhaps because it isn’t explicitly “about” dementia.)

5:4 April 23, 2018 • 11:25 - 11:25

Chris, it doesn’t surprise me that you had such a strong reaction to this music: i think Kirby has tapped into something genuinely remarkable in his work as The Caretaker, and as i’ve followed his work over the last decade-plus the extent to which i’ve realised the power of his dementia studies has grown massively. i’ll admit it took a while for the penny to drop, as a fair amount of his work – particularly in his V/Vm guise – is extremely tongue-in-cheek and irreverent (not unlike Richard James/Aphex Twin) so grasping the enormity and subtlety of this parallel (and, now, dominant) side of his artistic personality really wasn’t immediately obvious to me when i first encountered it – my own first contact was Theoretically Pure Anterograde Amnesia – though i loved how immersive and vivid those soundworlds were.

If Stage 1 has hit you as hard as you describe, then i can only imagine what will happen when you listen to Stages 2 & 3 – they’re some of the most painful, heartbreaking music i’ve ever encountered, and though i have no personal experience of dementia among my family and friends, the clarity of Kirby’s vision – or, rather, the acutely obfuscated rendering of it in these incredible albums – is all too immediate, ever more swamped by bliss-ignorance and oblivion, where the walls of understanding are closing in tightly. For my own part, i tried listening to the latest part, Stage 4, the other night, but i realised within a few moments that this was entering much more complex psychological territory and i wasn’t awake enough to deal with it. To be continued…

Oh, and with regard to Asher’s Miniatures, i agree with you: the tone is hauntological but neutral, without the explicit emotional heft of Kirby’s music, which no doubt accounts for your different reaction.

Chris L April 23, 2018 • 11:46 - 11:46

Thank you for your considered responses to both parts of my comment, Simon. Actually, I’ve only just realised that I was three-quarters of the way through Stage 2 when I gave up: the way the project is arranged on the Bandcamp app (as “sides” rather than discrete albums) made me think I was still listening to Stage 1. No wonder I was getting so upset!

Chris L April 23, 2018 • 13:19 - 13:19

Update: I ultimately decided to give myself over (almost) entirely to the remainder of Stages 2 and 3 during a prolonged lunchtime walk, and found them much easier to cope with once I’d stopped trying to fight my own reaction to them. Funnily enough, now that I’ve reached Stage 4 I’m finding the music is generating much less cognitive dissonance, perhaps because it’s already passed through the “event horizon” of ready recognition…

Bo July 31, 2020 • 21:25 - 21:25

This album is definitely haunted me since i first heard it, nothing else has ever had close to this sort of impact on me.

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